daynthelif











{June 27, 2011}   I have moved! :D

Not far away though. ;)

I’ve moved my site-  http://dayinthelife.me/   Feel free to subcribe to me there. :D Thanks!



I have done some introspective research regarding my tendency to say “No” right out of the gate to almost any request. While I am making coffee , paying bills or bathing the baby there will be someone asking me a question.  Because my mind is busy constantly and now also trying to focus on my task at hand when someone asks me a question while in this state my initial reaction is NO out of pure survival. Of them, not me. :D

When I am in my focus zone I am aware that I am probably not FULLY listening to the request and if I say ‘yes’ I may not really comprehend what I am actually agreeing to. “mom, can I go play …in the street” – I may hear “mom , can I go play” and say yes and have one less kid to tend to. So to be on the safe side I say “NO”. lol Other times it is simply a request to watch T.V or computer time. Usually, a few seconds later I will say to myself ” what did I say no to?” :) Now that my focus has changed I have time to reflect , ask more questions to get a more clear understanding and make a more informed response.  I will sometimes go to the kid and say ” Sorry, I was in auto-response mode and after further contemplation have retracted my previous response and decided to go with the affirmative regarding your request”. (OKay.. I am probably not saying it in that EXACT verbiage but it sounded better to me. I will apply any excuse to use my brain muscle. :D)

Well , last week my son came to me while I was fully focused on a task and ask me a question in such a way that I had time to fully hear him and the tone was said in a way that made me smile and say ” Oh of course you can sweetie”. !?!?! Um… WTH just happened? :D  Was it in the tone? Did it activate my oxytocin level for increased bonding for that moment? lol – research on oxytocin:

http://www.oxytocin.org/oxytoc/index.html

http://psycnet.apa.org/psycinfo/1996-93439-001

Wow.. where is this research taking me? lol – Well, somewhere interesting but not where I wanted to go. :D

New research. If it isn’t an oxytocin guided response then what? While discussing this all with my sounding board named Totie :) we decided that it is more of a form of manipulation. – research on ‘You can catch more flies with honey” :

http://hoydenabouttown.com/20080926.2242/youll-catch-more-flies-with-honey/

http://www.stevepavlina.com/forums/social-relationships/28027-manipulation-wrong-freaky-social-manipulation-website.html

This whole research thing is taking me on tangents! :D  Manipulation, convincing or just being polite and nice..which is it? Or maybe its is ALL of them. lol

Babies learn to cry to get attention and get what they want so when they are older they continue to try what works. That isn’t bad that’s survival right?

Okay.. my kids are learning that when mommy is busy they get better response options if they ask the question in a slower and sweeter tone of voice. Is that manipulation? If so I must FIGHT against being manipulated. LOL

What if it’s just survival? They have learned to just say things in a less abrupt way in order for me to have time to really hear what they are asking and absorb it in order to give an answer and a valid reason for whatever answer I choose to give. They are also learning to not, while mommy is having a conversation, say over and over “mom, mom, mom can I ?, mom , mom MOM! “Otherwise they get a great big fat NO! No matter what they are asking for, milk or candy…doesn’t matter NO because you have irritated mom. :D They are learning to gently touch my leg or shoulder and wait for me to find a pause moment in the conversation so I can fully focus on what they need.

Then one of those sites brought up another good point. What if it isn’t manipulation but just the art of convincing? What if those two are the same thing? And just like with lies they can be used for good and for evil. LOL

*sigh* Oh ok.. so I have learned that my kids have learned the ‘art of convincing’  in order to help me fully hear what they are asking. Is that so wrong? No. And it caused me to do research and learn stuff and that isn’t bad either.

Win-Win :D

 

P.S- I’ve moved my site-  http://dayinthelife.me/   Feel free to subcribe to me there. :D



A situation last night led me to question the use of certain words people use. It seems as if some people only know the meaning of some words through context. But if they have only been hearing them used in an incorrect manner then is it a fault or an oversight that they never took the time to really learn what the word actually means?

I do this more often than I wish. I use a good word then actually question myself as to its’ precise definition to ensure I am using it correctly. So last night , I will call him person A , had an issue with dogs being in their freshly laid sod. One person there,we will call him person B, that had more experience with grass, mentioned that it shouldn’t kill the grass since the dogs aren’t laying in the same spot for days and that even if they crush it or kill it for the moment it will return. Person C witnesses person A getting VERY upset at the dogs and chasing them off the grass. In hopes of calming person A down C simply says how the grass will grow back and also, since he cannot be on watch 24/7 to ensure the dogs are not on the grass it is futile. Person A is getting very upset now and insists that the grass will die because of his proof. He is saying all of this in a very angry tone . The proof he shows is the dead spot where no grass has ever survived right by the yard gate. Person C calmly informs A that the grass dies there because the dogs are constantly by the gate to bark at people. The dogs are not constantly on one spot of new sod in order to do that much damage. If they were the entire yard would be dead by now. Person A is raising his voice and saying that C is just trying to argue.

This is when I started to wonder … if person C was just informing A of their opinion or point of view in a calm manner is this arguing??

I felt it was less of an argument on C’s side since A was the one getting visibly upset and raising their voice.

Which led me to the following definition look-ups:

Argument

–noun

1.

an oral disagreement; verbal opposition; contention; altercation: a violent argument.
2.

a discussion involving differing points of view; debate: They were deeply involved in an argument about inflation.
3.

a process of reasoning; series of reasons: I couldn’t follow his argument.
 Discussion
–noun

an act or instance of discussing; consideration or examination by argument, comment, etc., especially to explore solutions; informal debate.
 Conversation
–noun

1.

informal interchange of thoughts, information, etc., by spoken words; oral communication between persons; talk; colloquy.
2.

an instance of this.
3.

association or social intercourse; intimate acquaintance.
 Fight
–noun

1.

a battle or combat.
2.

any contest or struggle: a fight for recovery from an illness.
3.

an angry argument or disagreement: Whenever we discuss politics, we end up in a fight.
OKay. That was enlightening. Apparently I argue more often than I claim to. :D
But now it brings up another question.  Can one person be arguing or discussing and the other person be fighting?
 I’ve heard the saying “It takes two people to argue”. Based on these definition I now have a more clear understanding of this phrase. Does it take two people to fight?? If one party of the “argument” gets an angry volume and tone while the other remains calm how would that be classified?
I don’t have the answer to that. I have ,however, learned how to use my word choices more wisely. :D

P.S- I’ve moved my site-  http://dayinthelife.me/   Feel free to subcribe to me there. :D



ok.. My 12 yr old daughters’ last day at school is tomorrow and they are out early so I wasn’t going to give her money for lunch. However the school is selling sack lunches for the kids to eat in class. I told her she can just wait and eat at home. She says she gets real hungry though. So I said take a lunch.

“They won’t let us bring lunch boxes”

!??? What? Then just take a purse and have your crackers and water in that.

“They won’t let us bring purses”

??!!! What? I knew they didn’t have to bring back packs.. last day of school and all there is no need. No purses?? What if you are on your cycle? Where are you supposed to hold your tampons and pads?

“I guess in your pocket but I am not on it so..”

!??? So (daughter), if you were on your period , you would be okay w/ holding your tampon or pad in your pocket for everyone to see?

“mom they aren’t letting us bring anything like that because last year the students brought water balloons on the last day of school”

okay but you aren’t doing that and if you bring a small purse to hold your personal items or your lunch they can’t tell you you can’t!

“mom its no big deal. I’m not on my period so its ok”

*sigh* (daughter), you need to start realizing that we all have personal rights that no one can take from us. We live in a free country that soldiers die for every day so we can enjoy those freedoms. TSA is already fondling us at the Airport. What if they start doing it at the schools? Where is your line drawn?

” I guess at the airport thing”

So you are willing to let SOME of your rights go unless it involves touching you? What about womens’ right to vote? Just because I may not care if I vote or not I shouldn’t fight for other women that want it? During the Freedom Rides protesting black segregation whites could say “it doesn’t affect me” But instead some said “What you are doing isn’t right to do to ANYONE!” We need to stand together against injustice and for people who can’t or don’t feel they can’t stand up for themself. If we don’t protect our basic rights then what are we in the USA for???

We have a compromised solution that she will take a paper sack for her snack/lunch. They BETTER not have an issue with that too! :D

She  said ” Mom, why do you have to be such a good protester?” lol  I told her because I had this inner fight in me since I was young and had no one to motivate me or support me and tell me that I was allowed to have a voice. I am here to make sure my kids learn better from me.

P.S- I’ve moved my site-  http://dayinthelife.me/   Feel free to subcribe to me there. :D

 



I haven’t posted on here because I was too busy doing research on WordPress. I was not wanting to blog and blog and blog and then find out I wanted to change the whole thing. I bought WordPress for dummies and chatted w/ a techie friend of mind and feel a bit more confident about this whole thing. :) Just like with most things I have never done before I tend to assume that they must be difficult to do otherwise EVERYONE would be doing it. So best to leave it to the experts. The problem w/ that kind of thinking is, depending on the expert (close friend or relative) you choose , you are at their mercy. Once it leaves your hands it all depends on them to get it done when they have the time to do it.  So, I am now educating myself on the ends and outs of this thing in hopes that an expert may assist me but that I have the knowledge to know what to ask for.  So here I am, still learning but decided to try to continue the blog as it is untill I have more information and confidence to change it. :D

Too many things have happened since my last blog to fill you in so I will start w/ what is fresh in my mind as of now.

I went to a different psychologist today in order to get more information and a different viewpoint on ADD and medication that goes along with it. My previous one seemed more like a pill pusher and I didn’t feel like he was truly hearing my feelings about it. The concerta and Ritalin combo (even on their own) had side effects that , for me, were not worth the 5 hours of awesome benefits. I would crash hard with headaches and couldn’t keep my eyes open right at the time when my kids got home from school and my 2 yr old got up from her nap. What a perfect storm for a not very happy mother.

After two weeks of trying to deal with the side effects I decided to stop the meds. I’ve been dealing w/ ADD issues all my life w/ out meds so whats the big deal. Wow! After taking them then stopping I realized what I was missing all my life. A quiet mind to pick and choose what I wanted to think about. :D No more getting irritated at the kids for talking so much just because my mind had already been doing so much of it already that by the time they got home I didn’t want to hear any more information.

Now what?! Take meds and feel crappy but not snappy?? There had to be something else but my Dr wasn’t helpful in figuring it out w/ me. So I went to my regular Dr and since I had already been diagnosed ADD he was allowed to give me Adderall XR 20mg. $200 / month!!! Great. If it works then its a $200/bill a month. If it doesn’t work I just flushed $200.  Well, I figured just the knowledge was worth the risk. After almost 2 weeks I could slightly tell a difference but honestly not enough to spend $200/month.
That is why I went to this new DR today.  He had a plethora of information that I had never come across before regarding ADD. I have googled the heck out of it and read a book on it and they seem to either focus on organizational skills , diets or medications. One site even mentioned meditation. LOL Good luck!!! Get me to try to think of one simple thing for a minute.. say for example a candle. My mind will ask ‘what color is the candle?’ ‘what shape is the candle?’ ‘is the candle lit?’ . In order for me to meditate on one thing I’d have to sit there and say in my head over and over again “simple , white , taper candle; simple , white, taper candle’. LOL  To be fair , I have tried the meditation CD’s and they seem to work better because I have to focus on what he says and I have some motivational guidance.

Anyways… this Dr made me see my ADD in a whole different way and I see how it can affect my life in ways I never saw and just had been thinking I was stupid or just goofy.

In short I see now that LISTS truly are my friend, that constant house maintenance cleaning is better for me then trying to do the whole big job at one time, (lost my train of thought :) ) .

I can see how this blog will be very cathartic for me. It has allowed me to get all the stuff that rolls around in my head over and over again out and down somewhere permanently. Otherwise, before , I would have gone over this mornings conversation a hundred times so that I would remember the key points so that I could share them w/ my husband or my brother or anyone that wanted to know. I already went over this whole thing w/ two people before this blog. I talked so much that I got sick of me talking. LOL

My mind is clearing up a little now. I just wonder if anyone will even read this blog and see a little of themselves in this. It was nice to hear from a Dr that the things I deal w/ inside my head ,and can’t really explain it properly to others, isn’t just me. It’s nice to hear that others deal with the same stuff and could understand me. I have always felt sad about being “joked” with about my ways. I even started beating them to the punch by saying “oh I pulled a Lori today”. I am not alone and there is a name for what I deal with and there are things I can do , not to cure it, but to help manage things. That makes me happy . :D

 

P.S- I’ve moved my site-  http://dayinthelife.me/   Feel free to subcribe to me there. :D



{May 23, 2011}   Rainy Day

Today I have enjoyed hanging out under my covered porch and listening to the rain tinkling down on the metal roof with my youngest daughter, Lorin. Right now she is napping while I learn about WordPress. :D

What theme represents me or rather what I try to convey to any readers that may stumble upon this site. I envisioned last week even doing a video diary. With WordPress I found I would have to pay a fee for the ability to do that on my site. A friend of mine is wanting to start a blog site so I was tasked w/ checking it out for her. I too have thought of starting a blog, but just like a lot of my ideas that is as far as they get. Today is the start of a possible blog site for me but who knows if I will forget to check in on it from time to time. My ADD (inattentive) causes me to be some what random in my focus for things I want or need to get done. :D

I have this want to please as many as I can and that can cause me to feel like a failure at times. The 3 other kids that are in school figured out this morning that they have lunch times that are stacked in an order that could make it possible for me to visit all of them. I was really not wanting to take my 2 yr old around to the schools where she has to be somewhat behaved for 20 min each time. I figured I would try to just visit the one that asked me first. Her lunch is after Noon. Wouldn’t you know that Lorin started falling asleep at Noon so I went ahead and laid her down for her nap. I know that had I taken her to the lunch she would have been way too fussy. So I let down all of the school kids today.  :(  Luckily my kids all have been understanding when things don’t happen the way they want but they still want some special thing to happen that lets them know that I love them. I will just have to either make it up later this week or do something different that works better.

Being a mom is at times such a juggling act. You have things timed out in your mind and if they don’t go as planned other balls in the air may fall. As long as they don’t all fall I can bounce back. It may not look as pretty but it gets the job done. :D

For now that is all I have in my mind to talk about. Trust me I will have more globs of conversation in my head later. :D

P.S- I’ve moved my site-  http://dayinthelife.me/   Feel free to subcribe to me there. :D

 



et cetera
Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.